so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i will never coherently bang her
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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