Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Someone signed my nipple.
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