Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
