apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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