He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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