I hope my margaritas pass through security.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
