speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
