I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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