I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
