I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
