I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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