After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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