I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
