Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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