i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How external is "for external use only"?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
