Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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