apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have tasted many bathrooms
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
