and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
