Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
