We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
