The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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