I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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