I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
