i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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