I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
