I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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