I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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