just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
