did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
