can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
high people should be assigned attendants
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
