i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
