Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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