Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
