so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
