She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
