oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
