NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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