All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
