Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
