So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
