Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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