I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
