its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
