Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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