So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize