Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
