My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize