u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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