Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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