Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
