I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
