Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
