You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
