so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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