he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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