I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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