I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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