so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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