i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
