she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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