When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
